mercy...peace....love...and abundance

I found this on a friend's blog and was simply blown away - words that conveys dreams and desires that I've struggled to find voice for.
It comes originally from a book called Soul Shaking by Douglas J Rumford.

Picture a life in which
Joy carries you through the day,
and laughter comes as naturally as breathing
You are not lured by that which destroys
But are drawn to that which builds you up

You can trust yourself
Having control over your thoughts and words
Over your responses and reactions

You live above the distractions and deceptions of the world
Being a non- anxious, very real presence to others around you

You have no need to hide
You can look others in the eye, valuing them for themselves alone
Not for what they can give you

You find courage to face every conflict honourably
And strength to fulfil every responsibility faithfully

You endure suffering with courage
Able to live with questions

You can admit when you are wrong
You can say "I'm sorry" and begin again
You are gentle on yourself
Renouncing the chains of shame and self-condemnation

You are connected to God, who created you
and increasingly becoming all that God created you to be
Knowing your roles and responsibilities are God given
Uniquely expressing God in ways that nurture and inspire those around you

You are at peace in all circumstances
Celebrating God's faithful provision in times of abundance
Trusting in quiet contentment in times of want

You are free to serve others willingly
without thought of or need of thanks
You have freedom to live for an audience of ONE

Picture such a life...
For it is meant to be yours!

Jude 1:2 Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance

Desert or Treasure?

Well...it has been well well over a year since I last did any blogging, but on a friend's request, here I am, back in my writer's chair appreciating the snow outside and hoping it holds on for Christmas.
As my blog seems to be snippets of my journey, reflections on life, and as I don't really have a clue where else to begin or what else to write about right now, that is exactly what I'm going to blog about.
I find myself in possibly the most spiritually barren place I've been in in a long time. And yet also somehow (in the weird world of paradoxes and oxymorons that God seems to like putting me in) I find myself in one of the most spiritually rich places I've ever been. "How does that work?" I hear you ask...I have been asking myself the same question. I think all I can say is that the desert is a far richer place than I could have imagined. Words have been a bit of my downfall (hence my blog silence) in that it's easy to write things that seem insightful, wise, even raw and honest, when at the heart of it all they're a mask to cover over what lies beneath, a cunning disguise hoping never to be found out. Enter the desert. The place where disguises become totally meaningless and all you have are you, God, a few other travellers along the way, and a camel if you're lucky (not sure what the camel represents here, by the way, just like the thought of having a camel in the desert. People in deserts always seem to have camels.) Anything familiar and comfortable becomes strangely disturbing, littered with question marks, and the feeling is simply one that is unsettled. In the desert there's not much settling, you move on simply looking for water and food. And in the midst of the searching, you learn about self, survival and a lot of unexpected stuff floats to the surface that you don't really want to deal with. I've heard it called the refiner's fire. I prefer to think of it as the inevitably uncomfortable bit.
It is without a doubt one of the most unsettling experiences I've ever been through, and yet I keep on catching glimpses of myself that I actually like once I wade through the stuff that I really don't. There are questions about who I am, what I do, why I do it...and I suppose these are just basic questions. It's just a case of coming face to face with who I actually am rather than who I wish I was.
In coming face to face with me, though, in that place of honesty that is still too raw to share with anyone, there is suddenly space for God. I'm still not entirely sure how that works, but fortunately I don't have to know, I'm just grateful for it. I've been spiritually starving for so long, LONGING for a richer knowledge of God and His message. I've grown weary of going through the motions, singing the same songs with words that, while they are true and convey a beautiful message, seem to only present a fragment of what my heart longs to know. The invitation for depth is, I believe, an invitation into the desert, wherever and whatever that may be. I'm tired of presenting the all too religious/pharisaical facade and am simply wanting to follow the path of true spirituality...whatever that means. (answers on a postcard please)
So I've kind of meandered along with snippets of my journey, left it in a rather open place...deliberately...and wondering what's coming next.

Free

Connection,

Disconnection,

Soul seeking,

Longing to be known,

Desperate to be at peace,

Losing sight of the bigger picture

All I see is me
With occasional glimpses

Of God.

Losing sight of my role

In the bigger picture of my identity,

Needing to zoom out

And admire the panorama,

Delight myself in the view,

See the earth from the air,

Flying, soaring

On the wings I've been given.

I realise that I feel

Insignificant

And wonder if I can make

A difference.

But it's a chain reaction

A ripple

And starts with one person

And the bigger picture of

Humanity.

One act of kindness

One smile

The little things still do

Have great value.

Encouragement

Service

Patience.

Pay it forward.

Don't expect anything

In return.

It has to be free of charge.

I still live in a debt mentality

Part of me wants things repaid

But maybe it's not that.

I want my needs met

And I need to be loved.

What is it to surrender?

To let go of the reins

And really LIVE?

To live in such trust

That hands can be thrown

In the air

And life can be about

Fulness

Extravagance

Excellence

Freedom?

Not taking advantage

But living love.

Doing the nitty gritty.

Making peace.

Living in forgiveness.

Letting go...

That's one of the things

I find hardest -

Letting go of hurts.

Don't know why

Don't know how to change

But there's a freedom in that act...

Children of Promise

Another final blog entry from the other account I had...
For the past couple of days I've been really struck by the word "promise". I'm reading through Galations and had one of those "I've read this loads of times before but have never ever noticed this verse before" moments. And it all happened in chapter 4 when Paul starts talking about how we're children of promise while he's writing about Hagar & Ishmael vs Sarah & Isaac/slavery vs freedom/law vs promise. I was just blown away by this whole thing of being children of promise. There's such an incredible freedom in the midst of it all. Children of promise don't need to strive or earn because they're children not because of what they do, but because of what God has promised (and we know that He's faithful to fulfil every promise He makes). We're part of the promise He made to Abraham back in the day (somewhere around Genesis 12, I think...). We're children of faith, not of law or works. As children of promise there's a rest that we have. We rest in our identity because the God of covenant has made a covenant with us. God is a promise-keeping God. We rest in His love. We rest in His grace. This whole thing of being children of promise blows the whole concept of legalism right out of the window and ushers in the beautiful, life-giving truth that is grace, and the spacious place of freedom that comes with it. It's so incredible. WE are children of promise. We ARE children of promise. We are CHILDREN of promise. We are children of PROMISE. (get the picture??). As children of promise all we have to do is wait, enjoy God, rest in Him, let our hearts respond to Him. There's such a sweetness to it all. And from that place of being children of promise God fills the earth with the fragrance of His love. It's just incredible.

Freedom in Christ is so much more abundant than what we've made it to be....anybody care to venture with me & explore the spacious place??

Short & Sweet

Another post from my other blog account.

Stuff I've learned recently

Let yourself be loved in your brokenness.

Patience breathes freedom from expectation.

Friends are more important than I ever realised.

Love sees people as people not objects.

Introspection is a dark thing. Remain fascinated with Jesus and allow Him to hold what dwells inside in the confusion of the soul. Remaining introspective causes us to be less effective in our fight against the kingdom of darkness. Staying enthralled by Jesus breathes fresh air into a suffocating soul.

Surrender and individualism

This is another imported blog entry from my other account...

I'm reading "The relentless tenderness of Jesus" by Brennan Manning at the moment (INCREDIBLE book, by the way). I'm in the final section which is talking about Christmas.

"The contemplative at Christmas grows quiet before "the light [that] shines in the darkness" (John 1:5). He stills his soul and becomes tranquil like a child in its mother's arms. He interiorizes and appropriates to himself the mercy, forgiveness, reconciliation and love that are embodied in the Child of Bethlehem. He surrenders to the grace of the Word made flesh. He accepts acceptance."

I've never really thought of surrender in that way before. In my mind it's always been about surrendering to the Holy One, the sovereign Lord, the King of kings, the One on the throne, the one true God, the almighty God. In that place, surrender can be hard & motivated by fear. But surrender to grace...that's another thing altogether. Surrendering to grace is a willing response because of the extravagant goodness and love inherent in grace. Surrendering to the grace of the Word made flesh is LIFE. It's not sacrifice in a negative way. It's a step of faith, but is dependent on the goodness of God and on the beauty of the unity of grace and holiness, goodness and glory.

The other thing I've been thinking about recently has been individualism - partly because I'm an incredibly individualistic person & I'm realising more and more how individualism & faith in Jesus just don't go together.

One of my friends really challenged me about my individualism this week & got me thinking about some stuff. He asked me what I hear when I hear the expression "personal relationship with God". Do I hear "individual relationship with God" or do I hear "relationship with the person of God"? There's a massive difference. In relating to God in an individual way, it's all about me, I, my experience, etc. It ignores the corporate aspect of faith. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have alone time with God, but I think in the west we're in danger of having so much "alone time" with God that we get unsettled by the corporate dimension of it all. What do we value more? I haven't got too much further in my thoughts to be honest, because I don't want to simply intellectualise it all. I want to live it out. That's going to take more time. I can have all the theory in the world, but if i'm not living it, it's meaningless. As good old James wrote "don't merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says" (james 1:22).

Love, love, love (it's another Beatles moment)

In an effort to try & have one blog as opposed to 2, I'm combining my blog entries, so sticking my favourite ones onto here so I can shut my other account down. If you haven't read these ones before, enjoy! :)

This one's from 28th June 2007:

As a few/lot (not really sure to be honest) of you know, the past 18 months or so has been a journey into the heart of God for me, really grasping His love, His Father heart, His grace (oh, His sweet, sweet grace. Such a powerful thing)...

I'm not really inclined to get off this journey anytime soon, actually. It's so easy to leap from one thing to the next and to miss the depth and fulness of God. That's my experience anyway.
But this journey of love...well, that's the rest of my life. And that gets me pretty excited. Actually, that is the one thing that will have me pinging off the walls.
I'm beginning to grasp some of His love, now. Paul talks about the height and depth and width and length of that love and I'm blown away by how boundless it is. But how do we go from receiving to giving? What stands in the way of it all?
It's so easy to complicate this whole life thing. Jesus came for us to have life and life to the FULL and yet we crowd out that fulness, His fulness, with a whole bunch of other stuff.
But life is just about loving - we love because He first loved us. And so we receive His love and pass it on. Simple as that. Simple and yet so hard.
I notice so much fear in me when it comes to loving others - fear of rejection, plain old fear of man. It's one of those situations where i can recite all the Bible verses that talk about things like perfect love driving out fear, about us not having a spirit of fear, but of sonship, of power, love and a sound mind, about the fear of man being a snare, but those who trust in the Lord being kept safe....but what does it look like to LIVE those things?
In many ways these questions are hypothetical and are just part of the journey for me, you know? They show me how desperately I need a deeper revelation. a deeper understanding of the love of God. They show me that there are areas of my heart that haven't received that love, no matter how much I want to argue the matter.
I was having a chat with someone recently, though, who pointed out something that brought so much encouragement to me and yet so much challenge too.
I was talking about the challenges of loving, of stepping out and the risk involved in loving. My friend came out with this: God risks His heart everyday and has His heart broken everyday. Everyday He faces rejection. In creation, in His crucifixion, as He waits for His Bride to be made spotless...He constantly, daily risks His heart and loves and loves and loves, willing to risk the heartache if only to love, to extend His love and see if His love will be returned. He knows the heartache of unrequited love, or betrayal, of lukewarmness, or unkept promises. But He knows the joy of being loved too because He dared to extend His love.
How incredible is that?! Am I missing out on something of the joy of being loved because I'm holding back love because of fear of rejection, heartache, etc, etc?
I'm so challenged & yet so excited at the whole prospect of it....it's one step at a time for me, but I'm so looking forward to taking another step along the journey of love, another step towards having life to the full...another step towards obedience :)